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When Words Don’t Come

It’s been a long, hard year. And crazy as it sounds, I can’t find the words to fully describe it. When Steve’s brother fell, we had no idea it would change life as we knew it. We had no clue we would fall so far behind that at Christmas we would plan to do nothing. And we had no inclination that we would be having our son tested for the dreaded “A” word, Autism.

When I created this blog, I had no idea what I was going to write about-even asked my very limited group of readers to weigh in and tell me what to write about. (Which came to naught) But, as I sit here thinking about the past year and all the things we didn’t imagine happening, I know that the thing that could save me from myself is this blog. Writing here, to all of you, could be my saving hope. It can lead to new friendships, the strengthening of old friendships, and provide the support needed to get through the dark days and help others through theirs. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and there is hope. 1467489_10201676390289060_1494686966_n

This week we heard back from the testing center we are going to-the Family Enrichment Network. E.W. will be going in the 8th of January for his speech evaluation and the 10th for a social and psychological evaluation. I still remember the day his pediatrician recommended getting him checked. I had asked about him talking, about why he’d only been talking a few short weeks before his third birthday. The doctor didn’t seem too concerned-he even said not to worry unless things didn’t improve within six months. But then he asked if he was jumping or playing with others. To which I had to say No. He wondered if he was dressing himself. No. He asked if he pointed to things or led me to things he wanted or needed. Again No.

With each impending question, my heart sank lower and lower into my stomach. Before he left the room, his doctor handed me a Rx stating to get him tested for developmental and speech delays and that “it wouldn’t hurt to find out” because then we could get him help. It was like all hope was thrown away. In my mind, I just wanted him to say it was normal and he’d be where he needed to be soon, no need to check him out-no need to worry. But he didn’t. He gave me a defeated look, said to keep up what I was doing, and left the room.

I called the school the same day-November 8, 2013. Yes, my journey hasn’t been a long one-but it’s been a journey none-the-less. They sent me the paperwork and things got rolling. Now we wait. We wait for Christmas to be over, and we wait for results. We wait to be told if there’s indeed hope for our son, or if this will be a lifelong battle.

I try to remain positive-but some days it’s just so hard. I know my God is in control. I know he makes no mistakes and loves us all very much and will not give us anything we can not handle with out His help. I hope and pray for the best. I pray that his needs are minor and that therapy will bring him to where he needs to be-or better yet, that he won’t need therapy. My faith is weak-but I believe the truth of scripture when it says, “If you have the faith of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matt 17:20)

I also pray that this blog will be the support that you need, the inspiration to keep moving, and the reminder that you are not alone. I am here, experiencing many of the same things you are. Whether it is parenting, being a wife, work at home mother, home schooling family, or dreamer. This is my journey, and I welcome you to join me.

Sarah

 

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